No Bones About It
by Ramona Bandicoot
Summary: Request from "Theivius Authorius" - What could go wrong with two rival thieving gangs try to steal the same dinosaur skeleton from the same museum? -oneshot-


**Disclaimer:** I don't own any Sly Cooper characters; they belong to Sucker Punch Productions/Sanzaru Games.

**Claimer:** I own all of my original characters.

_Request from 'Theivius Authorius'. So, I hope you like it and how it turned out! Anyway, please read, review, and let me know what you think! Thanks!_

No Bones About It

I peered around the corner of the Chicago Museum of Natural History silently, keeping our presence to the nearby security guards to a minimum. After seeing that our coast was clear, Murray, Bentley, and I tiptoed through the hallways silently, looking for the prehistoric exhibit of the museum. Bentley had concocted an ingenious plan…steal the T-Rex skeleton, Sue, from the museum! Sure, it wouldn't be an easy task, but the rewards would be more than amazing. No thief had even attempted to steal anything from the dinosaur exhibits and if we could pull this off, then we would be legendary! The only issue about this would be getting to the _real_ bones, which were locked up tight in the museums basement. The bones on display were simply replicas made of hard plaster, only making my job more difficult. Pressing my back to the wall, I glanced around for any guards and making sure the coast was clear before signaling for Bentley and Murray to follow. With the amount of bones we were stealing and the weight of them, I was going to need Murray's muscles to lug them out of the basement and Bentley's brains so we could find the fastest way out of there. Seeing that the coast was clear, I signaled with a wave of my paw for my teammates to follow me. Bentley was directly behind me, followed by Murray, as we darted down a corridor towards the prehistoric exhibit.

"The security room is just through those doors," Bentley whispered once we came to a halt, "All I have to do is hack that computer system and we are inside that exhibit!" Bentley rolled around me, checking his surroundings before wheeling himself into the security room.

"Go ahead pal," I whispered as he passed by me, "We'll keep watch out here in the meantime." Once Bentley was inside the security room, Murray and I strolled down the hallway, glancing at the different artifacts on display as well as keeping an eye open for anything or anyone suspicious.

"How much of this dinosaur are we stealing, Sly?" I chuckled, glancing to my large friend while twirling my cane in my paws.

"The whole thing pal, the whole thing." Moving quietly around a corner, I found myself looking over the second floor balcony to the dinosaur exhibit, showing off the replica of Sue. I placed my paws on the banister next to Murray, looking over the banister at the exhibit below.

"That whole thing?" Murray asked as he pointed at the skeleton standing in the middle of the room. I shrugged as I glanced to the hippo, who kept looking over the t-rex.

"Well, not _that_ one. The actual bones are in the basement to keep people from stealing the actual bones. That's what Bentley's hacking into." He nodded, looking around the room

"Like us?" I barked a laugh and nodded, agreeing with his statement.

"People like us pal." I noticed a bit of movement in the corner of the room, which made me a bit uneasy. I couldn't tell if it was a guard or another thief, but there was something over there. I pulled out my binoccucom, zooming in on the corner of the room, trying to figure out what was the cause of the movement.

"Well isn't that just…peachy." I grumbled to myself after figuring it out what it was…I mean, _who_ it was. No, it wasn't my long time rival, Ramona Bandicoot, but it was close enough; her brother, Sitka, which wasn't as exciting as having Ramona here. Sitka and I didn't necessarily see eye to eye…on anything. I don't have a problem with the guy, but I got the feeling that he wasn't too fond on my constant flirtation with his baby sister. But then again, if _he_ was here, Ramona had to be somewhere in this museum. He rarely pulled a solo job and if I knew Ramona the way I did, she wouldn't pass up the opportunity to make her name in a country other than France.

"Keep an eye open up here, Murray," I said after putting my binoccucom away, "I'm going to go scope out downstairs and see what's going on." Giving me a thumb up, Murray stayed in place while I went to investigate what the Bandicoot family was up to. Stepping down the stairs silently, I stuck to the shadows, spying on the rival family while Bentley worked his magic with the security system.

"Are you sure you can hack through that system? American security systems are much more complicated than codes in France." Sitka's voice whispered as he spoke to someone else. I could ear his voice and footsteps coming closer to where I was. Noticing that I couldn't run from him without getting caught by the raccoon, I ducked behind a display case, listening to his conversation.

"It hurts that you doubt me. I've been cracking codes since I was a kid, Sitka. By the time you find Ramona and get in front of that exhibit, I'll have it cracked wide open." The voice was female and it took me a minute, but it hit me who it was. Along with Ramona and her brother, one of their other sisters worked with them, as their tech specialist. I had to admit, the woman was smart…but a bit of a klutz. And because of that she was often left in the car to keep from alerting anyone. So if she was inside the building, it had to be a big job. But on the bright side, Ramona was somewhere in the building. Darting around them quickly, I made my way down the hallway, closer to the dinosaur exhibit and figured that searching for Ramona would be a decent way to pass the time. Rounding yet another corner, I was finally on the ground floor of the museum and still in search of the unseen raccoon. I passed by countless display cases, looking at the things inside and waited for Bentley to tell me that he had hacked the computer system. Seeing that I was getting now where, I figured that returning to my post next to Murray would be best anyway, considering I was on a job and really didn't need to mess with Ramona tonight…although it was tempting.

I had just turned around and was ready to return to Murray, when I came nose to nose with a rather rotund security guard. I was dead in his sights and was in a prime opportunity for his flashlight to hit the top of my head and a pair of handcuffs to be slapped on my wrists. I backed up a bit, smiling at his nervously as the pig snorted, ready to blow his whistle to alert the other guards. But, in a somewhat clichéd, predictable turn of events, he didn't attack. Instead, he simply fell forward with a well placed sleeping dart jutting out from his neck. Glancing up from the pig, who was out cold, I glanced around, looking for the source of the dart.

"You know," the all too familiar Australia accented voice filled the hallways, telling me that I had just successfully found my rival, "I'm always amazed at how well these things work." Plucking the dart from the neck of the guard, Ramona strolled forward into one of the always on security lights, looking over the now empty dart curiously.

"You use them every time you steal something and you're still amazed by them? You are quite a character Ms. Bandicoot." She giggled, tossing the dart to the side as she knelt down to the guard, searching through his pockets.

"And I could say the same for you Cooper. You always manage to end up where I do in a heist. Honestly I think you follow me at times." Smiling back at her, I watched her pull a key from the pig's pocket before gripping the top of his uniform, ready to pull him to the side.

"It is tempting at times, pretty lady," giving me a raised eyebrow, I shooed her away and pushed the guard over myself, "I've got him." She scoffed playfully, standing up only to cock a hip and cross her arms over her chest.

"Sure, you've got him. I just took him out for you." Giving her a sly smile I stood, tossing my paws up in the air.

"Of course you took him out…his attention was focused on me." barking a laugh she shook her head.

"I put my job at risk to save your skin, Mr. Cooper." Stepping towards her, watching where she placed the key.

"You mean my job, Mademoiselle?" seeing what I was doing, she stepped to the side, slowly waltzing her way towards me.

"All I'm asking for is a simple thank you." Her voice was soft and she stopped centimeters from my snout. Chuckling, I shook my head as well, seeing what game she was playing…the game she always played.

"I don't need any help, Ms. Bandicoot." She rolled her eyes with a smile, walking past me slowly, and her tail flicking across my nose as she did so. Leaving the guard asleep on the ground, I followed her, curious to see where she going and what she was up to.

"So what is Ms. Ramona Bandicoot planning on stealing this fine evening in America? The knapsack of Lewis and Clark? Cavalry sword of General Lee? A rock sediment from the Grand Canyon? What is on your mind, Mademoiselle?" she looked over her shoulder as she walked, her hips swaying slightly in the process, as I followed her throughout the museum.

"I'll show you," Her voice was cheerful as she bounced down the hallways, "And it'll be the biggest heist that we've ever pulled off." By 'we've' she of course meant her brother and sister, but she was certainly excited about it.

"So it must be a high price item?" she nodded as I caught up with her, walking by her side as she continued to explain.

"Very high price, Cooper. It's worth over eight _million_ American dollars." I felt my jaw almost hit the floor at the amount she told me.

"Eight million dollars? What are you stealing, Ramona? The entire museum?" she shook her head with a smile as she stopped in the center of the room, holding her arms out proudly.

"We are stealing a little lady…named Sue." I simply stared at her…not believing what I was hearing. She was going to steal Sue? The dinosaur I had flown half way across the world to steal for myself?

"No you're not." I finally said to her. Ramona's ears perked as her eyebrows knitted together, "You're not stealing that dinosaur."

"Excuse me?" she had gone a bit on the defensive, not fully understanding my sudden seriousness, "You don't tell me what I can and cannot steal, Cooper. You're not my brother."

"That's what I came here to steal, Ramona. You're not getting your paws on those bones." She shook her head with a half smile, pointing a finger at my chest, opening her mouth to say something.

"Can't you ever steal your own items, Cooper? Why do you always plan to steal what we go out to steal?" Sitka asked as he made his way into the room, standing next to his sister, who was still in disbelief.

"Oh no," I glanced to her brother, "We've been planning to steal this dinosaur for months now, _you're_ the ones who are copying us."

"We're walking out of this museum with that t-rex, not you." By the time her brother had said this, Ramona's sister, Charlotte, had joined in the group as well.

"No," I said to the three of them, "we are." Bentley and Murray had come up as well, leaving us three to three.

"Look, it's obvious that we should steal the dinosaur, Cooper." Ramona mentioned as she pointed past me and to the bones.

"And why is that, pretty lady?" Sitka glared at me as I said Ramona's 'pet name' in the middle of our little group, obviously not too thrilled about my affections towards her.

"Sue is a female dinosaur. And I think it would be a lot less awkward if she was stolen by _female_ thieves…not all males." I raised an eyebrow to Ramona, finding her argument rather far stretching.

"Ramona…they don't know if she's female or not." She scoffed, disagreeing with my statement, "You don't believe me? Look on the plaque." I led her to the informational plaque in front of the exhibit.

"See," I said as I pointed to the words, "Sex: undecided." She stared at the plaque, then back to me, shaking her head in the process.

"Then why did they name her Sue? Obviously because they think it's a lady dinosaur."

"She's named after the person who discovered her!" it was obvious that we weren't going to reach an agreement anytime soon and it looked like we were all going to go home empty handed.

"Why don't we just share it?" Charlotte's voice piped up between my little debate with Ramona, sending a rather reasonable solution through the crowd.

"How do we split a dinosaur?" I asked the intelligent fox, who tucked her short hair behind her ears as she spoke.

"Easy, just split it down the middle. We take the left, you take the right, then divide the number of vertebrates and tail bones between us evenly." It made sense. Both teams would leave with what we came for and tensions would be settled.

"What about the skull?" Ramona asked her sister, buying into her scheme.

"We split that too," I said to the raccoon, who was still standing rather close to me, "Murray, Bentley, and I can take the top part of the skull and you, Sitka, and Charlotte can get the bottom jaw."

"Why do you get the top jaw? It's more valuable than the bottom jaw." I shrugged at the thief with a smile.

"Someone has to take it and I don't mind picking who." She scoffed, cocking her hips again as she started going into her playful banner mode.

"What ever happened to ladies first?"

"Age before beauty, Mademoiselle, age before beauty." She rolled her eyes with a smile, not buying my plan for a minute.

"Equal treatment, Cooper!" the others decided that if we wanted to steal this dinosaur before the museum opened in a few hours, then we would need to get the bones from the archives. Pulling us apart, Sitka took his sister by the arm, pulling her far away from me. The six of us walked to the doorway of the archives silently, not wanting to alert any guards. Bentley and Charlotte had managed to turn off the laser security, but it was still locked by a simple padlock.

Pulling the key she'd stolen from the security guard earlier, Ramona pulled the key from her pocket and slipped it into the lock, opening it with ease. The door opened with a slight squeak before we stepped inside, seeing the numerous artifacts stashed within. We didn't have time to waste so we simply located the bones locked within and started hauling them out, creating an assembly line. Ramona and I would take them to the shelves, where Bentley and Charlotte would take them to Sitka and Murray, who could carry them out and place them on the roof so they could be put into the correct vehicles located in the back alley. We carried out bone after bone, taking them out with ease and agility. It'd taken about an hour for us to take out most of the bones, leaving a few ribs left to carry out. I jumped from the ladder that I needed to reach the bones, helping Ramona down as well, and got ready to leave with my team and the other part of Ramona's. We had just gotten to the doorway or the archives when we were finally caught. A flashlight shone on us brightly, almost blinding us as we tried to escape unharmed. Murray and Sitka carried out the remaining ribs as the remaining four of us darted away as well. I took Ramona by the wrist, tugging her with me as we ran, not wanting her to fall behind and be caught by guards. I could feel my adrenaline pumping as we ran, the thrill of a police chase boosting me forward. When we made it to the second floor, Murray had the unlucky accident of slipping, allowing some of the bones to fall from his grasp and break as they hit the marble floors of the museum. Even though it was a loss to us, it did give us enough of a distraction from the guards so we could slip away. Knowing that we were still being chased, we quickly lowered the bones from the roof to our cars, careful not to break any more.

"You know, Ramona," I told her as the last few bones were being shoved into her car and our van, "We really need to work together again sometime." She smiled, her paws resting across her chest and she glanced to me.

"Why? So you can make off with the best piece again?" the top part of Sue's skull rested behind me, which still needed to be put in the van. I gave a chuckle to her as I placed my paws on her waist, pulling her to me.

"I'll tell you what," I said as I looked at her cute little face, "The next time we team up, I'll be sure you get the most expensive part. How's that sound?" her paws snaked around my neck as she gave a soft reply.

"I guess I can live with that." I brushed my nose against hers before planting a soft kiss on her lips. Our eyes slid shut as we stood there, no doubt under the watchful eye of her brother, but neither of us really cared. I opened my eyes briefly, quickly scanning the area for Sitka. Instead of finding her brother however, I saw that her eyes were already open, and we looking at something behind me. She eventually met my gaze, our lips still touching as she spoke.

"You're supposed to keep your eyes closed, Cooper." She mumbled as her lips stayed to mine. My eyebrows knitted together as I pulled away from her, looking behind me to see what she was looking at. That's when I saw her siblings tails dart down the side of the building and the top jaw of the dinosaur, the one I had planned on taking home, had been switched with Ramona's less valuable bottom one. I turned back around, ready to confront the raccoon, only to see that the thief had slipped away, disappearing into the darkness. I peered over side of the building, quickly catching a glance at Ramona as she jumped into the passenger seat of the car, waving goodbye with a large smile as her brother drove off, the tires squealing as he did so.

"Ramona!" I shouted in the direction the solid black car had sped off in. I smiled to myself, knowing I'd just been tricked by the ever elusive, flirtatious, and ever sneaky Ramona Bandicoot…not that I really minded of course.


End file.
